I am an artist. It’s the most fundamental characteristic of who I am, the thing that determines how I view and interact with the world around me. I see my surroundings as a series of lines and shapes, gradients of color, textures waiting to be depicted using watercolors or chalky pastels or thick oil paints on giant canvases.

The weird thing about telling someone you’re an artist is that they’ll usually ask you a series of questions to prove your right to that title.

What type of art do you make?

Where can I see it?

Do you sell your work?

(How dare you call yourself an artist when I’m too scared to claim the work/passion/identity that I most desire?)

Lately I haven’t been able to answer those leading questions. Because I am also a mother.

I am the mother of two young amazing, brilliant, exuberant, wild, delightful, exhausting autistic boys. Motherhood had a hell of a start for me. From pre-eclampsia during both pregnancies leading to emergency c-sections, and colicky infants developing into high-needs autistic toddlers, motherhood was one crisis after another, leaving not much room for creativity.

Almost 6 years into this parenting journey, and the chaos is slowly becoming more manageable. There are days I find myself having a few moments when I don’t have to be completely focused on motherhood, on parenting these young special needs boys of mine, and in those moments I remember who I am. I am an artist.

I painted my first canvas long before I changed my first diaper. And when my amazing, brilliant, exuberant, wild, delightful, exhausting boys have grown and left the home, I’ll still have my paints and pencils.

It’s time for me to get back to work, to focus on improving my technique, and expanding my repertoire of creative imagery; on building a portfolio, and learning about running a small business. Because I WANT to have the answers to those leading questions about my art. I want to be the best parent possible for my special needs boys, AND a successful creative businesswoman.

I am a mother but I am an artist first. And this is my story.